Bad Marriage - A Life Lesson

A friend recently asked me "Why did I stay in my marriage for so long?" My answer was because I didn't know how to leave. And that was the main reason. I can remember countless times finding myself at the end of my tether and thinking "If I had somewhere to go, I'd be gone". That was my main excuse for not going.

I can't say that I regret the last ten years. I wouldn't have DDK8 for one thing. But also despite being unhappy for so long, I have learned a great deal. I have learned what it is like being on the receiving end of passive agressive behaviour and re-evaluated the way I treat people myself. I think that the experience has made me a better person and that maybe I was supposed to endure it as sort of a life lesson. Instead of acting so much on impulse, I take time to think about what to say to people before I say it, I have become less selfish, less hot headed, more thoughtful.

There are traits that have been repressed that I may revert back to though. I still have a sarcastic sense of humour, I'm still a disorganised untidy person, although cleaner and more house proud than before. Most important I feel, is that I have rediscovered my sense of fun.

I have vowed never to marry again. Most would probably think that's because I couldn't trust another man again. Some might think that if the right one came along and after a long time of learning about him and being sure and be able to trust again, that that might change. At the moment, it's mostly because I don't want to risk putting my girls through another step family situation. But in truth, it's because I'm scared that with a decent bloke, without the control I have endured, I might go back to being the person I don't like.