Tuesday, July 3, 2007

Why Don't I Leave?

"Why Don't Battered Women Leave?"
OK - I'm not actually battered, but the answers are near enough the same for mental/emotional abuse.

Womens Aid - Housing options
Don't make it easy do they?


Niamh said...

Lorna, I've been reading you a while and followed you from your old blog (used to post as Jo or Trysori), so I hope you don't mind me commenting.

Mental and emotional abuse is sometimes worse than physical. Everyone can say oh if he ever hit me I'd be straight out of the door. Mental and emotional abuse is a touch more subtle and it doesn't always register, and it doesn't always set the alarm bells ringing.

I lived for 6 years in an abusive marriage. He never hit me, it was all emotional and mental.

Why didn't I leave? Because it took drastic events that made me stand back and look at it all to realise what was going on. You mentioned the phrase washed out old hag. I don't know if you were called that, but if you were and if you are called that on a regular basis for a prolongued period you start to believe it's true, until you do become a washed out old hag and you are convinced that you don't deserve to be treated any better than as one.

It's easy for me to type this because I'm not in the situation, but you read blogs and you start to feel like you know people, and so all I can say from the bottom of my heart is, if this is happening to you don't sit by and let it. Either walk out the door or do something to change it, just please don't let yourself get as far as I did where I had a nervous break down and tried to kill myself because I believed I was truly useless and that no one, not even my family wanted me.

Stay strong, you are an amazing woman, and if you ever need to vent it all out to someone who won't judge you or think you are over reacting or that you're just plain stupid, my email is niamh@pink-carnation.com.


Seahorse said...

{{{Lorna}}} You know quite a bit about me and what I went through. There aren't any easy answers and my circumstances aren't (as no-one's could be) the same as yours but... you CAN break free. It's not for me to tell you what to do but I will be on the end of a phone or email every step of the way if you need support to make that break.

Sheila said...

Oh Lorna - I know what I'd like to say but I won't 'cos it can't be easy for you.
Seahorse and Niamh seem to know what they are talking about.
I'm sure there is never a good time to take steps to leave, but please think about the next 40 or so years of YOUR life - how do you want them to be?

Joyus said...

{{{HUGS}}} Lorna.

I'm another one whose always here for you if you need someone. I've also got a car big enough to fit four passengers.

I understand why you stay (I think) and that's your choice but I've met you and the one thing you certainly aren't is a 'washed out old hag'. Whatever you decide is your future I'm around to help you however I can.

Anonymous said...

Lorna, I'm a bit too far away to offer practical help, but I'm always here for you if you need a shoulder. You deserve so much better than you are getting now....I was also in a mentally/emotionally abusive marriage once so I know how hard it can be to break free.